Poetry

The death of a poet.

The death of a poet.

Police were today called to an address in north London, when neighbors had complained about the odd smell. It is believed that occupant is a little known poet who has not been seen for some time.

I could write forever, a constant surveillance
of all the things that rattle across my awareness.
A list only ending when the clock reaches never.

When to shop, the click of a heel
the curve of a girl, a whispered promise.
About every song that’s ever been sung,
every tune that made me smile
all the words that caught in my throat.

The burning issues at the front of our minds,
the wrongs that are done hour by hour.
The lies that are told, the crap we’re sold
about those we abuse for the oil that we use.

The light in the room lessens as the vines begin to cover the window.

The clocks still ticking, Cameron’s fracking,
Blair moves around with a nonchalant air.
Obama the charmer sell guns by the ton
And Bibi kills kids, run Arab run.

The state of the state is well unfair.
Will food banks start charging interest?…
The NHS must turn a shilling,
and social housing’s going public I hear.

I eat cold Yorkshire pudding and consider how to get food without leaving the keyboard.

The models get thinner the nation gets fatter,
I sink into the eyes of Alexa Chung, overcome with lust.
Cheryl and Simon seem so sincere, X + Why = Zero
the news telling me why I-must-trust-the-government.
Join the army, the ads on the telly look like trailers for
the latest movie about the war on terror. If you can
Fix a bike, a car, a plane, a gun, you can kill, yeah it’s OK
Go on son, you know want to, gaming with glory, imagine that.

The webs in the corners are getting bigger, the windows are all but obscured, I hear a scurrying noise, my eyes flick sideways.

Wow a billion euro’s to land a PC on a rock spinning in space.
This will answer some important questions we’re told
What? Like how to end poverty and war, why
we continue to kill each other by the million?

Is the cure for Ebola up there? Is that where Buddha lives?
Will we find out exactly what US shenanigans gave birth to ISIS?
Will I find out why my pet dog just died one night?
Or what the fuck the point of getting old is, exactly?

I hear music in the distance, odd, but sweet, I sense my
great loves in the room with me, I see their faces. I no longer feel hungry

And then of course there is me, I could write about me…

My fingers… what… I can’t move my fi……………………………

Hi yes Amanda. I can tell you that police have now gained entry to the building and discovered a body, all they have told us is that it is a man and he was discovered at his desk slumped over his keyboard.

Wait…. This just in. An early report is saying he appears to have died from malnutrition, Amanda.

Written by Francis de Aguilar© 2014

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I want my mind back

I want my mind back.

I want my mind back
I’m not sure where it’s gone,
it’s rather old, seen better days.
from childhood dreams thru’ purple haze
to dizzy love and death’s cold stare.

I want my mind back
so I can make it up.
I’m sure I’d made a decision
to be kinder to it,
to call a truce, sue for peace.

I want my mind back,
without it life floats about
unsure and detached,
like a leaf on the road
at the mercy of random swirls.

I want my mind back,
so I can pick my paths
from damaged choices.
Without it I’m on tow
pulled by hidden forces.

I want my mind back,
it holds important stuff.
Grey merges definition,
life’s constant crossword
defeats me without it.

I want my mind back,
I wish I could remember what to do,
how to drop anchor,
how to be still,
till’ it finds its way home.

I want my mind back.

Written by Francis de Aguilar©.

Smile

Smile

It happened six seconds from now.
In six seconds the past becomes the present
And then six seconds ago when the future was known
Albeit the past was/is/will fold (there may be a small pop)
We will be back, again, waiting for the past.

This of course is not a new phenomenon
It happens all the time (no pun intended)
I see your smile and wish to kiss you
I cannot resist but to try, you turn away
A sharp pain, as before, when you smiled.

You see six seconds is the time it takes
For you to move from irresistible
To resisting and clawing my heart
It’s not your fault, it’s my trap
You are the unwitting beautiful bait.

The worst of this entrapment’s spell
And it’s ardent hold on my life
Is your absence these last six years
Now from every smile that holds potential hurt
I turn away, six seconds before it happened.

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

Business as usual.

Business as usual.

 

Rejoice all you fat bastards

War will not end any time soon.

I.S.I.S will keep your machines spewing death.

Fortunes to be made for years to come.

 

Barbarism sells, lets face it

A few beheadings on the tube,

Some footage of kids living in

Disused cement factories.

 

The PR is magnificent,

The whole of the west is queuing up

To bomb anyone classified as a threat

By the spurious definitions of the Obama gang.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

I have learned a lot.

I have learned a lot.

 

I have learned that

Parents are often helpless

Abusing unknowingly

Sowing damage blindly.

 

I have learned that

Children are as clay

In the world they live in

Modelled by circumstance.

 

I have learned that

Whenever I desire,

I cannot be sure why

I want what I want.

 

I have learned that

Most of the satisfaction

I have had in my life

Has been an attempt to mend myself

 

I have learned that

My generosity is suspect

Often more about me

Than about the receiver.

 

I have learned that

What I believe happiness is,

Is probably not going to work,

I cannot have the love I missed.

 

I have learned that

I am a good man,

But to know and not do,

Is to not know.

 

I have learned that

I have always known this,

But remained helpless

To offer myself love.

 

I have learned that

All I, or anyone ever does

Is to care for themselves

The best way they know how.

 

I have learned that

Judgement is at once

Ridiculous, inevitable

Essential and worthless

 

I have learned that

Intuition is a troubling

And treacherous friend

But a friend nevertheless.

 

I have learned that

Relationships are hard.

 

I have learned that

The only things worth learning

Are to be found inside me

Yet I rarely study there.

 

I have learned that

98% of what I have learned

Has been in the service of

Avoiding the 2% I need most.

 

I have learned that

That I have a lot to learn.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Darkness.

DARKNESS

Dedicated to Robin Williams 

 

Darkness, shade hopeless plight

Adrift in murk, tether gone

Sinking, fearing another fight

Sweet memories hurt the night

 

Tenuous hold, easy to slip

Rocked by faint wind

Sliding under cover, another dip

Be still, be still or lose the grip

 

Plunging, nausea, faces blurring

Behind impregnable gauze

Meaningless babble inferring

Fault within, self-incurring

 

Silent scream, burst to rage

Barely contained

Again and again, no gauge

No means, no fresh page

 

Separated by perception

Incompatible with life

No tuner, no reception

Incapable of deception

 

Day after day after day

Never above never below

Taunting melodies play

Then fade, to black give way

 

Breathe in breathe out

Pass time, don’t push

Wait, hold and endure doubt

Trapped in a spiritual drought.

 

Rushes in, closing out

Hope and heart

A word here, a look there

Such weight crushes light.

 

Held by impossible hope

Ready to cloak

Gates slam shut

At every turn.

 

Endure some more

It wont be long now

The night is coming

Sweet sleep eternal waits.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to avoid rejection

How to avoid rejection 

 

A few simple rules

Will keep you from pain.

 

If you’re pushed away

Never go there again.

 

Avoid telling anyone

That they touch your heart.

 

To do so is risky

It can tear you apart.

 

It is better to reject

Than to be rejected.

 

So shut your heart first

To keep it protected.

 

When you feel drawn in

or you feel an attraction,

 

Push back, turn away

Seek out distraction.

 

They can only reject

That which is offered,

 

So hide your feelings

Let none be proffered.

 

Sure you’ll be lonely

And you’ll hurt inside,

 

But it’s less painful this way

With these rules applied.

 

You will begin to wonder

What it’s like to connect.

 

To have warmth and love

To be free to express.

 

To open your core

Reveal your hopes your heart.

 

To join with love

To share in equal part.

 

To know what it’s like

To be really visible,

 

Will mean the great risk

No longer invincible.

 

So you have to choose

What you want from life.

 

To be safe and level

To avoid all strife,

 

Or a life like a rollercoaster

Without control,

 

One that goes to the top

And has the chance to enthrall.

 

If this is for you

Then ignore my warnings,

 

Surrender your heart

Acquiesce to these yearnings.

 

Wave as you fly by

On you’re dangerous flight.

 

I will wave back

Though hidden from sight.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

Descendant

Descendant

 

This is ours now, we own it

The guilt of the world gave it

You are forgotten now, leave

We claim all right

 

We will beat you into a corner

One with no exit, no space

We will take your root and bough

And eat the fruit thereon

 

How dare you strike at us with your slingshots

For you’re no David and we’re no Goliath

Once again we will leave your carcasses

To the birds of the air.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

A bouncy love poem

A bouncy love poem

 

On waking my heart is light

My world is a melody of gift

I congratulate god

On a job well done

 

As I watch the light flicker thru’

The trees that house the birds

That populate my haven

I contemplate my good fortune

 

Opening my laptop to share

My happiness with the world

I find dismembered children

Littered across gods creation

 

If those who proclaim they are

Gods chosen people

Can do this, openly

Can sleep and laugh still

 

If those who have the power and wealth

Of the world in their pocket

Can say this is OK or needful

And lend a hand to see it through

 

Then my heart lies heavy

My world is full of greed and malice

I rail at god, demanding a reason

For this cruel experiment.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014

 

Now you’re Gone

Now you’re gone.

 

I have no arms now you’re gone.

That they cannot encircle you

negates them entirely

 

I have no hands, without yours in mine

nothing is worth holding.

These hands do not now exist.

 

I have no fingers that cannot trace

the swells and valleys of you.

No fire will burn these absent fingers.

 

I have no eyes that see beyond you.

I am blind in a world

where you are not in sight.

 

I have no nose without your delicate scent.

No rose nor spice, no perfume floats

in the aroma-less stench that remains.

 

I have no ears without your velvet sigh.

The sound and song of you now silent

leaves only wretched cacophony.

 

I have no heart to beat alone.

Our rhythms that made divine tempo

now merely mechanical in isolation.

 

I have no mind, it escaped,

out through the void yours left behind.

Into nothingness I wander.

 

I have no body, no part of me intact.

I have no senses, no sensations.

I have no harmony, no melody.

 

My voice is a mournful refrain

redundant as it calls to emptiness.

Only you can hear my tune.

 

Your departure has scattered me.

Where we were whole, I am stripped.

Of us, there remains just a fading echo.

 

Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014