There are words to use.
There are words to lose.
I need to tell you about my world.
I need to choose how to use
the ways to speak that find a way
to say those things I need to say.
When I try, fear rises like a curtain.
Exposed and brittle I’m almost certain
I will break if you see me, or me, or me.
But I need you to know me as I am, alone
hunting for the words to say what I need to say.
What words avoid fear? what words avoid pain?
Why is who I am so concealed, hiding from what?
Why is my inside so ashamed, afraid to be blamed
while my outside, so bold, cannot be told
the truth, or revealed as a sham, just a shield.
I have a hall of mirrors I wear like a cloak
reflecting whatever pleases you most.
Just say I to were try it and show you inside it,
that’s all there is, I’d have nothing left to use
No more control, no more variations
no more defenses, no more tricks.
A naked matrix of a fragile soul
assembled by chaos and less than whole
How can you not judge what you find?
Despite their entreaties everyone does.
These years of protection have ensured survival
but I fear that the cost is resilience lost.
So I’m fine, I love you and I’m sorry I’m quiet
I’m a man of few words on an emotional diet.
Written by Francis de Aguilar©2014